I went digging through my old posts on Myspace and found this posting that had me laughing so hard I just had to post it again.
Things to keep in mind, Agent Smith and I are now good friends, not just acquaintances and Mr. Tubbs, well, he is actually pretty nice just, still old school.
Originally posted March 1, 2007
Normally I do not write about anything regarding my coworkers, however, I would say this warrants some fleshing out. Name changes will be used to protect the “innocent”.
Yesterday I decided to go out to lunch with my fellow workers for some very very spicy wings at some place called BW3. Now I had gone out to lunch before with my good bud who we’ll call Agent Smith. However, I had not gone out with Mr. Tubbs. Mr. Tubbs was a contractor and was generally agreeable to speak with on the job, the lunch provided an opportunity to get to know him as he really is.
Dialogue
Mr. Tubbs: What’s with all the Jews and gays on TV lately? I mean every show has either a Jew or a gay person on it.
Me: {in my head: Oh my god, did he just say that out loud? In one sentence he managed to take a swipe at me and my mother! } Verbal response: I’m not sure what you mean?
Mr. Tubbs: I don’t know, why they are always on and why do they have to kiss? It makes my skin crawl. But two women that’s another story.
Agent Smith: So seeing someone like Harvey Fierstein would just make your head explode?
Mr. Tubbs: That show Heroes is the only one I’ve seen lately that doesn’t have a Jew or a gay character on it.
Me: Doesn’t mean it wasn’t created by one. And also, while he wasn’t openly gay on the show, George Takei was on the show recently.
So yeah, the discussion went on from there and sorta fizzled out as we ate our hot wings that were so hot Mr. Tubbs and I were sweating. Then on to the drive back, Agent Smith decided to bring up the guy who got a horse to fuck him up the ass then died because of a ruptured anus and about how the video got out on the net. Then after that he brings up another guy who trained a dolphin to fuck him and he went through he trouble of setting up a website on how to do it….
At this point I’m rolling in laughter in my head at how funny this is. How Mr. Tubbs must be crawling in his skin. Then, right after lunch Agent Smith and I get on IM and the following conversation ensues.
Agent Smith: heh
so what do you think is on Mr. Tubbs’s mind?
(the one by you) complaining about gay guys in shows, seeing gay guys kissing, and then the whole disclaimer about “well I’m not starting at you all day but” on the way in the door just now
hehehehehehheh
s/starting/staring
Me: yeah well, i don’t flow that route…the married one…i respect aging institutions
Agent Smith: hahahaahah
I just think it’s funny that he seems to have his defenses so high
it’s cute
Me: yeah. i mean. insecurities much eh?
Agent Smith: like you’re going to misinterpret something he says and then suddenly he’ll accidentally have gay sex
sorry I can’t stop giggling about this
Me: accidentally is the funniest part
oops it slipped in
Agent Smith: hahahahaaha
Me: well you kept driving the part home…with dolphin sex
and horse sex…
Agent Smith: hey by then I was just trying to change the subject
Me: no wonder they think gay people marrying is gonna lead to man marrying beast
Agent Smith: I mean I can only bait someone for so long with “why girls and not guys” before they snap
hahahahahaha
THIS IS MY WIFE SNOWFLAKE
YEEHAW
Me: she’s got a purdy maine
Agent Smith: you know the second they legalize bestiality every “straight” redneck in Montana is gonna have a herd of fluffy girlfriends and half will be guys and the hicks won’t even know.
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Pansy Division – “Cowboys are Frequently, Secretly Fond of Each Other”
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