Life as of late as been extremely trying as stated in previous blog entries. What wasn’t said in the last entry because it wasn’t known, is that on Tuesday, Kim was told she was told by the doctor that they were no longer going to treat her cancer and that they would do their best to make her as comfortable as possible.
So my poor mother along with breaking her leg Monday evening found out the following day that her first daughter was not going to live much longer.
Basically the entire house is now an emotional fault line. I myself have lost it more than once in the past week. When I say lost it I mean, just utterly lost it, to the point of pulling the car over to the side of the road because I couldn’t see straight.
At times, every emotion is in me at once and sometimes at full force. It’s unworldly how they can control me.
My hand seems to hover over the “self-destruct button” at all times. As though I’m about to set off the nuclear bomb in the form of emotions.
Thankfully I’m starting to slowly ease away from that button and turning more towards my to-do list and my red pen. The check marks of completion are starting to stain the paper while at the same time the edges of my mouth move towards the formation of a smile.
I feel significantly better in knowing that I am living a life guided by goals and accomplishments. I know I have plenty of friends and have never purposefully attempted to sabotage those friendships.
Everything is going to be ok, no matter what happens in the near future. I will be ok.
- Traditions and zcustoms in Indian Army
- Pollution in Delhi
- Dedicated to my Family, by Damian Brundage-Guinn
